II. Grammar

Me and my friend were having an argument today. It’s an argument we have every day, in fact. It’s a matter of class, it’s a matter of pride, it’s a matter of grammar. I’ve already actually made the mistake that always ignites the ill feeling. ‘Me and my friend’ is a grammatically incorrect phrase, as you all know (I’m basing that on the probable demographic of this blog…), it should be ‘my friend and I’. But, why do people get stressed about grammar? Why do I get stressed with people who get stressed with grammar? Why do I rely on rhetorical questions to form my introductions? That’s a question for another day. For now, let’s discuss grammar and class warfare.

I consider my knowledge of grammar to be pretty comprehensive, especially in this day-and-age of un-censored, un-edited, (un-educated) internet bloggers. However, there are lines to be drawn. I consider that the most important function of language is to make someone else understand what you feel, think etc. and it follows that grammar serves to elucidate the point; the logic-concrete to glue together the noun-bricks, or something… This puts grammar as subservient to meaning in any particular sentence. Most people would understand what ‘me, friend, argument’ implies, so what does it matter if, when we introduce grammar, I use the correct pronoun, and twist the phrase around?

I’ll tell you why it matters. Using pedantically accurate grammar is a hallmark of the upper classes, and therefore a hallmark of the middle classes who are trying to seem like the higher ones. This is why people use over-the-top fancy grammar; it’s an image thing. And I would certainly argue that ‘my friend and I’ is using fancy grammar. Turning the sentence round is a continental thing; eg. ‘est-ce que tu est son ami?’ or ‘bist du nicht seine jünger eine?’, and it’s usually used for a question. We would no longer say ‘are you not one of his disciples?’ and we certainly wouldn’t say ‘is it that you are his friend?’, unless perhaps you speak Estuary English.

The problem is that good grammar then becomes a weapon in class warfare. Elitist upper-class wannabes will, even before you’ve finished saying ‘me and my friends’, someone’s jumped down your throat and corrected smugly; ‘my friend and I’. They then look down on you, perhaps even ‘rise above it’, for ‘they know not what they do’. How ‘drôle’. No. It’s despicable.

I’m not advocating the dissolution of grammar… I don’t think I’m even advocating the destruction of ‘my friends and I’, in certain circumstances like formal essays, official signs etc. But certainly in speech it’s not impairing the meaning. Rant over. Ooh, not quite, I love it when people correct you when actually you got it right, ie. ‘he gave it to me and my friend.’ ‘No, that should be “he gave it to my friend and I”’ ‘No it shouldn’t, you pretentious twat.’ Now I am happy. And so is my friend.